Friday, August 24, 2012

still in control

i'm holding this world
i'm holding your life
oh don't you ever forget
that i'm by your side.
i'm still in control
i'm still watching you
don't be tempted to think
there's something i can't do.
i'm still in control.

Today I am very thankful for this reminder.

After what felt like just a rough week, the last two days have brought extra stress that I'm not feeling like I can handle right now. As I attempted to get to the Color Run tonight to watch my sister and some friends run, nothing was going right and it was unsuccessful. Since I had already been feeling emotional all week and the last two nights especially, this of course just piled right on top of everything and I sobbed the whole way home. Pulling back into our parking lot with this song running through my head, I decided to take a walk to cool down and let it go. The run itself wasn't really a big deal, but the idea that my plans were changing (again) is what brought on my emotion.
In trying to deal with recent events, the words of another song ring so true.

sometimes i wonder what you're doing up there
cause the way things look, it seems you don't care.
everything was going fine
living life, enjoying good times
now i'm left with this broken heart, and shattered dreams
picking them up, piece by piece, wondering

how could you let things get like this?
this wasn't how it was supposed to go.
but what's best i'm sure you know.
it's not how i planned my life to be
sometimes i wish you would just rescue me.

i know things are in your hands
but how this is good i just can't understand
i lay my will down at your feet
i'm looking to you, oh Jesus, please, tell me

how you could let things get like this
this wasn't how it was supposed to go.
but what's best i'm sure you know!
it's not how i planned my life to be
still i wish you would just rescue me.

So I'm waiting now, anxiously, for the time when I can truthfully sing the last verse and chorus to this song, when it's come full circle and I see the good in it. I know it will happen, but it's sure hard to trust God when there is so much unknown!

looking back i finally see
the missing footprints when you carried me
the lessons i've learned in the darkest nights
the strength i've gained from fighting the fight, i see

how you could let things get like this
this is how it was supposed to go
what is best i've learned you know
this is how you've planned my life to be
i stand amazed at how you've rescued me
Jesus, i stand amazed at how you've rescued me.

Tonight I am thankful for...

-my Jesus, who remains constant through it all, and is still in control, working all things out for HIS glory!
-my Jason, who doesn't necessarily understand what causes all the emotions, but hugs me when I cry.
-my baby girl, who brings me so much joy each time I feel her move.
-my family, who I will always have, no matter what changes.
-our friends, who God has placed in our lives at this time, and encourage us and build us up.
-Laura, who God gifted with an amazing ability to write these songs that have played such an important part in my spiritual walk, encouraging me that I don't need to worry or stress about these "issues" in my life, because God is taking care of it!
-our jobs, which, though temporary, remind me that God is providing for us.
-our cars, which just remind me how blessed we are to be able to afford them, and how grateful I am that we don't need to stress about sharing one and dealing with those kind of conflicts.
-our home, which again, though temporary, reminds me not to worry, because God always takes care of me! Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matthew 6:26
-our stuff, which seems silly, but is a reminder that not only does God care about the BIG things in our lives, but he also cares about our likes, our wants, and allows us to have things that make life more fun!

-new perspective, because 4 hours ago I was worrying and getting anxious because my plans don't seem to be working out, and all I've been hearing in my head since then is "I'M STILL IN CONTROL."


Thank you Jesus, for having control over my life. Help me to trust you.

1 comment:

  1. Love reading your blog and love you Allison. Praying for you and for all that your going through and all the emotions that you are going through right now also:) Tracy